Saturday, September 12, 2009

Good-bye moment, hello to him.

I feel the moment pass me by, but yet, I still hold myself back.
I don't run after it, don't chase it off the edge.
My turn at love, I let it pass me by.

It's not what I want.
It's not what I long for, what I'd die for.
It lacks one thing, one thing that I know would complete me.


He is not the one that I want, the one that I dream of, the one that I cry for, the one that I desperately want and need.

He is not him.

I should feel something, anger...fear...sad...guilt...anything at all, but I don't.
I feel trapped, stuck, and most of all, in a sort of daze.

There is only one thing that is clear to me, one thing that I see, and that is him.
As I stand there, eyes closed, and body still, I picture him.
He is so vivid, a wonderful something that is breathtaking in every sense.
He ignites my senses, sends chills up and down my spine.

I catch my breath and hold it in, struggle to not let it go.
I want this moment to last, to never end.
To live with this image of him in my mind is a wishful thing- a- forever-kind-of-thing- for me.

Then, when I let go, when I let out that breath- the one that I held onto for dear life.
He fades and my eyes shoot open, searching desperately all around me.

I call for him,
I plead for him,
I beg for him.

Then, when all seems faithless and hopeless, a quick, yet, worthwhile glimpse of him comes to mind.

I hear his voice whisper to me, I'm here, softly he trails off, just hold on, he says.

HOLD ON... I repeat his words over and over again.
HOLD ON... I clench my hands together, feeling them shake uncontrollably.
HOLD ON... I cry, I let out heaps of pain as I wait.
HOLD ON... I pray, that maybe one day, one day it will be me and him.

In whatever sense that may be, it doesn't matter.
The only thing that matters is that we're together.
Forever written in INK, to never be erased.

One day, one day, one day.
I just have to hold on.