Saturday, September 19, 2009

Please run.

"Wait, just please, wait," my eyes spoke for me as I pleaded with her. She didn't even look at me, her eyes fell to the floor and she pressed her lips together with her arms crossed in front of her. I searched her desperately. I wanted to look into her eyes, wanted to see the real her.

"Leave," she said coldly, still looking to the ground.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, my body felt numb, and my heart pounded slowly but strongly, each beat bashing against my chest. She looked over at me now and her eyes seemed foreign to me. All of the light and the bliss and the sheer beauty that used to be in them, was gone.
They held anger and disgust and hate in them now, and I cringed at the way she looked at me.

"Leave," her lips parted slowly, and her stare didn't fall. It felt as if my breathing stopped, and I wanted to reach out to her, wanted to tell her I'm sorry, that she is all I want, all I need. I felt the words at the tip of my tongue, but something held me back, something told me to stay quiet.

Say it! I yelled at myself over and over again. Before it's too late, just say it! The words wanted to jump out of my throat and pour out of my mouth and into her mind. Then fear greeted me. What if she didn't want me? What if I wasn't all she needed? I pressed my lips together and as hard as it was for me to do this, I did, and why, I don't know. I just did. I tore my stare away from hers and it felt like every limb in my body was just torn. I turned away and began to walk, and maybe it was just me, or maybe it was the fact that me and her had that bond, where we just knew when one was happy, sad, or mad.

I felt her crying behind me, I felt her tears pouring down her face. I wanted to turn around, wanted to hold her, and tell her it was okay, that I was here. Just walk, my mind told me coldly, numbly.

A part of me wanted so badly, dreadfully, for her to call my name, to run after me.
I turned my head slightly and from the corner of my eye she still stood there.

No one would run after anyone tonight.