Sunday, January 10, 2010

He was there.

As I watched my brother walk through the doors of the airport I felt my eyes swell up, burn with hot tears. I felt a piece of me being taken away. I felt empty. A deep hollow hole dug itself up inside of me, spreading wherever it pleased. Having my brother come home for the Holidays is always fun, an exciting time. But watching him leave, go back to his 'home' is hard.

Too hard.

I sat in the back seat of my parents van and began to picture my characters and their story in my head. It was all i could do to stay calm, to force the tears away. I pictured Drake sitting at the dinner table, drinking tea. He was reading, A Study in Scarlet, one of his favorites. He would lick his lips every time he took a sip and his brows would pull in as he read.

When he would swallow his adam's apple would rise and fall. He would stop and look out the large window to the street, watch the leaves fall, the branches sway in the cold, unusual Miami wind. His dark blue shirt melted in with his russet skin, one hand clutching his book, the other his mug. His gray eyes flickered from the street, to the trees, to the pages of his book.

My heart swelled at the sight of him. I knew he was trying to ease my pain away and I clutched onto my glass vial necklace--the one with a special message inside, a secret message meant for him and I only. The hole inside me was still threatening to grow but slowly it filled. I felt myself healing as I held on to him.

Then I pictured him looking at me, smiling. His eyes curving at their edges. His cheeks burning a subtle red. Not once did he tear his gaze away and I allowed myself to look in his eyes.

I saw his goodness.
I saw that he was broken as well and that he needed me, too. It was comforting knowing I needed him and he needed me. It was as if we were a puzzle, each of us contained the pieces in order to stay complete, whole.

I pictured him the entire way home. I barely opened my eyes, for if I did, he would leave. As we pulled in to our driveway I knew I would have to let go, watch him vanish.

He nodded his head for me to go and I could see the promise in his storm filled eyes. Tiny sparks flickered within me and I felt the fire start to burn, sending a welcoming heat through my arms, hands, and chest.

My eyes opened and I walked quickly toward the front door. My hands fidgeted in my pockets, impatiently waiting for my dad to open the door.

I headed straight for the quiet, peaceful sanctuary of my room. I pulled out my laptop and just wrote. I wrote to keep the image fresh. I wrote to fight the pain away. I wrote for my brother. I wrote for Drake. I wrote for myself.

I was okay, Drake kept' his promise.

Bloggers, have your characters ever saved you emotionally? Were they there when you cried for help?


The only thing that makes any sense right now is you - Amber

23 comments:

Hayley said...

All the time, it helps to place yourself with them when everything feels like it's too much. They're the best confidants, because they'll never tell and though sometimes they pretend to, they never judge. I"m sorry you were sad, but I'm glad Drake was there to see you through. ^__^

Mary Campbell said...

I'm stunned - not sure what to even right. This is so amazing. I couldn't stop reading. I don't know my characters like you know Drake - no where near. There's is something so incredible about the way Drake is apart of you. Very moving.

Mary Campbell said...

Of course I meant write instead of right - hee hee. I'm sure you understood though.

Kimberly Franklin said...

I'm still getting to know my characters, but they're usually around for a good laugh when I really need it the most. : )

Ann Elle Altman said...

Yes, they are always there when I need them. It's sad really but maybe for some writers, like me, we sometimes feel closer to our characters than to our real friends.

ann

Bish Denham said...

Beautiful prose.

Most of my characters make me laugh. But then they're supposed to and I like it that way.

chasing empty pavements said...

This was beautiful, I wish that my characters could save me from my pain and sadness the way Drake saved you. Perhaps I haven't created the one that will, but the way you described the escape is a good enough reason to want to try. Thank you for this beautiful post.

Julie Dao said...

This was lovely. What a wonderful connection you have with Drake. If only I could connect with my characters in the same way - it hasn't happened yet but I hope it will someday!

Angie Kate said...

This was lovely.

My characters and I don't communicate, I watch them like a fish bowl. I've thought about my MC when I was down before, and it helped a lot, so I know what you mean. Again, beautiful.

Kristi said...

Beautiful post!

I agree that writing tends to be there for me when I need to get away from reality! It seems to flow out of me when all other things are failing as I cling to it and try to breathe. But I certainly don't know my characters nearly as well as you know Drake...very moving.

Happy Monday!

Kelly Lyman said...

Beautiful. I couldn't stop reading and I clearly saw him.

Yes, my characters are there for me, which is how I began writing their story to begin with.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

You know Drake so well that he comes alive to the rest of us when you write. I'm guessing that this passion propels your novel, which is a good thing. I'm glad he helped you through the sadness of saying good-bye to your brother.

Katie Ganshert said...

My characters keep me company when I'm bored, distract me when I'm busy. But when I'm drowning, they don't pull me to oxygen. It's Jesus who takes care of that. :)

Tina Lynn said...

Always and never. Love your ability to suck me into your head so that we can share your moments. They are such beauteous moments to share:)

Eva O'Dell said...

My characters save me every time I write them. A piece of me escapes into them, and they live in a way I can't. They have cried with me, ached with me, dreamt with me and loved with me.

Sometimes I save them too :)

Eva O'Dell said...

I just wanted to add, because I didn't say in the first post, this was incredibly moving.

You have a powerful way with words and I feel your stories will someday be in the books I curl up with at night.

T. Anne said...

Actually, you just gave me a great idea. They can def. be something more than an escape. I'll channel all my nervous energy in their direction. My poor MC.

Your writing is terrific.

LittoMiss isuet said...

Im glad drake was there with you, just remember that im also here.
A phone call away.
Dont worry about georgie, we'll see him soon enough. He's always with us in spirit, but im sure you already knew that.

(:

<3

Roiner Ruiz said...

That was awesome, one of your best yet!

The romantic query letter and the happy-ever-after said...

Time and again but I worry the day will come when they tire of me and my limitations as a writer. I fret they will demand my muse take them elsewhere leaving me barren and wordless but for now they are with me the way your Drake is and I'm grateful.
Oh and you write brilliantly.

Jody Hedlund said...

Very intriguing! Sounds like you're passionate about your character!

Jenn Johansson said...

My characters connect me to sanity and insanity. Whatever I need at the moment.

Bethany Mattingly said...

I realize I'm a little late to comment on this, but I couldn't help myself. This was so enthralling, so intense, so...wow. You have some incredible skills. Wow...I'm still wow-ing over here. :)