Monday, August 31, 2009

That girl. The one in the sky.

I felt a cold shock run through me and an immense amount of heat coat the back of my neck,
all at the same time.
My hands hung by my sides and my fingers entwined with one another.
I pressed my lips together and took in deep breaths.

In and out.
In and out.
In and out.

You could do this, seriously, honestly you can.
Usually reassuring myself worked, but this time, it just wasn't cutting it.
I knew I had to focus on what I had to do. This was my job, my reason for even being here I believed.

focus. focus. focus.

I tried to fight off the broken pieces of my -lost and forgotten- memories. Tried to force them out of my head. So that I could think clearly, concentrate, but they found there way back to me regardless.
I closed my eyes and gave in completely to the memory.
My fingers stopped fidgeting and the heat on the back of my neck settled and turned into a comforting warmth almost.
The rest of my body still felt cold, colder than ever as I remembered...
The Tulip Poplar grove was lit up delicately by the sunset's rays.
I lay there on the grass, hands behind my head and looked up at the sky.
I saw orange,violet, yellow, and red- lots of red.
"That one looks like a frog", she laughed and I looked over to her- her face suddenly lit up and resembled a glow of happiness- and then to the cloud, it looked nothing like a frog, but still that is what she saw and so I tried to see it too.
"No, wait, not a frog, a rabbit! Yeah, definitely a rabbit." She pointed with her skinny little finger to the sky and I looked too, concentrating on the cloud.
Yeah, it looked nothing like a rabbit to me.
The grass felt soft and soothing beneath me as I continued to look up at the clouds and hear her ramble off about her visions in the sky.
"What do you see?" She asked, totally catching me off guard.
She looked at me, face still lit up and her young light brown eyes looked even lighter and her straight brown hair hugged her face and I was happy. Actually happy. I felt comfortable, secure here.

"So? What is it? You gotta see something!" She was always a persistent child.
"I see... ugh, a girl." Her face became puzzled and she twisted her small nose and curved her lips.
"A girl?" She asked, and I heard the grass rustle beneath her as she turned to look up to the sky.
We were both quiet then, laying there side by side.
Your an idiot- a dead set idiot, my step mother's voice strung in my head. I cringed and tried- my hardest- to shove her voice out of my head. I wanted to go back to thinking of the clouds and to being happy, comfortable, and secure.
Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.
Now I wondered, does she think I'm an idiot? Maybe I was the one who couldn't see what was really there? In the sky, I mean. Maybe it was a frog or a rabbit.
"I want to be that girl." She blurted out.
I turned my head and lifted my self up slightly looking at her now, her eyes pierced into the sky and her lips parted- just staring, almost dreaming.
"Who?" I looked around us but we were alone, just the two of us.
"The girl in the sky. I want to live up there, like her, with the angels. Where no one can ever hurt me."
I changed my view from her- to the girl, the one in the sky.
She saw her too. I smiled, reassured that I was clearly not an idiot and looked towards Amber again, taking in the wonder of her eyes. She was something else, something foreign.
You know, even though she was only seven or eight, she still understood people completely,
she understood me.

"Maybe you don't have to live in the sky to be with the angels. Maybe you'll find one here, you know, like a guardian angel or something." I said, and believed this to be true. She deserved an angel, her very own angel.
"Maybe." She smiled and we both continued to lay there staring up at the girl in the sky.

I opened my eyes and the heat came back, drenching my neck, and once again I felt that pinch in my chest and that huge blow in my heart.
And just like that the memory was gone, gone like her.
I wished there was some way I could have flown her up there then, to the clouds, with the angels and all ....
Maybe I could have saved her from all the pain and heartache.
Maybe I could have saved her from life and all of its bullshit.
A series of footsteps echoed down the hall.


I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth.
I want to be that girl, the one in the sky...
Her voice played over and over again in my mind.

The foot steps grew louder by the second.

Where no one can ever hurt me.
Her little finger was still pointing up at the sky and the wonder was still there in her eyes and I knew, that where ever she was, she still understood me.

The door swung open, knocking over a group of boxes filled with glass.
I heard shatters, pieces of glass breaking, rumbles from the boxes being shoved around.
I drowned out the noise, blurred out their voices and just pictured her face one more time, for I knew it wouldn't be the last time I ever saw her...

Over my dead body.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Happy Anniversary.
I love you.
I do.

twenty seven forever.


I want to fly, I said and looked at him as he looked at me.
I'll give you my wings then, he whispered in my ear and I got the goosebumps, but this was nothing out of the ordinary.
He usually did that to me on a daily basis.
Be reasonable, you don't have wings?
He smiled and pressed his lips closer to me,
I don't have to be reasonable with you. There's no limit to what you and I can do.


Your voice never fades.
Your image is clearer than ever in my mind.
I haven't forgotten you.
I don't think I ever can, even if I wanted to.

Now, just take my hand and well figure it out together.
Because in the end, it was always just me and you.
Well deal with it all, never be alone.
I'll never hurt you if you never hurt me.
When I feel alone I just grab onto my heart and feel your warmth flow through me.
That's how I know that your here.
You're all I ever wanted.
Stay with me and I'll stay with you.
Love me and I will love you.

Monday, August 24, 2009

His way or the damn highway.

I saw him, stared at him straight in the eyes.
He looked at me, but really he was looking past me.
Looking straight through me, denying what he already knew, ignoring what I know he saw.
He preferred to live life loveless, blind to happiness, and his way or the high way.
It was just easier that way, he said.
&& I could see why honestly.
No one would ever let you down, because he has been let down.
No one would ever hurt you, and trust me if any one knows pain- it is him.
He knows its every depth, every corner, every illusive point of view, every lie it tells, every fearful piece of truth it holds.
No one would bring your hopes up, make you believe in them completely, drown out all of your doubts only to leave in the end- taking with them your faith and refunding you of your doubts.

So there he stood.
I knew he had it in him somewhere, some place, he had to? I thought, reassured myself.
I knew he loved me.
Still, he looked through me, right through me- not seeing my love for him, my promise to him.
His eyes were sharp, on point, never letting there guard down.
He then turned away, his face blank, his eyes emotionless, and he walked away without a care in the world.

Then I yelled out, because I couldn't stand it, because I myself have been let down- plenty of times, because I have witnessed pain first hand- and I knew what it felt like to get your hopes up only to live in disappointment, a constant battle between faith and reality.
yet, I was standing here with arms wide open being rejected once again.

" You let me down! You hurt me! You got my hopes up!" I walked towards him, my hand in the air pointing at him, accusing him. "You crushed them! You did!" My voice cracked and I could feel my throat throbbing, a million things running through my mind, all a blur.

He stopped walking, his fists clenched at his sides, and maybe it was my eyes playing a trick on me, or maybe, it was my mind in wishful thinking mode.
I saw him turn his head slightly- the side of his face showing itself behind his heap of hair and then, in less than a second, he turned back around and kept walking.

It was his way or the high way.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


vickyy x03 (3:42:13 PM): hey
felitopepito (3:42:18 PM): hey
vickyy x03 (3:42:23 PM): I love you.
felitopepito (3:42:32 PM): i love you too babe : )
vickyy x03 (3:42:41 PM): how much?
felitopepito (3:42:48 PM): more than anything
felitopepito (3:42:54 PM): anything in this world



First, the cover is amazing! Like, wow! Alyson Noel is definitely at the top of her game.

Second, the release date changed, it is now coming out sooner! Instead of its release date being January 5, 2010 it is now November 24, 2009 !

I can't wait!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Let's see where this goes.

I do love you and I do believe in us.
I haven't believed in something different in awhile, haven't taken that chance or even considered it.
It's usually my God, my family, and my friend- who have all earned my trust.
I haven't given anyone much of a chance.
&& no, I don't know what will come of us, but I will never know unless I jump in head first with my eyes wide open.
I want to feel, taste, and see everything you have to offer.
I can't promise perfection or anything to come superbly easy,
but I can promise you my love, my utmost thoroughness, and my well being.
Because without you I'm not okay,
I'm numb.
I'm just simply going through life in moments and motions, never actually living.
I'm not happy.

I don't want to be like this, I want to continue changing and continue growing with you in mind, heart, and soul.

So here I am, take me and handle with care.

Let's see where this goes.
I love you.

A quote that jumped at me, out of the pages and into my heart forcing reasoning into me and unwillingly making me open my mind and eyes.

-I think about how emotions and heartbreak and love can really screw with your head. Most of all, I think about how it is to be with him, and how if there's even a chance we can be together, I can't be afraid to find out. - Courtney, from the YA novel TWO*WAY STREET by Lauren Barnholdt.

The Hollow.

I'm way way way excited for THE HOLLOW by Jessica Verday, to finally come out on September 1. 2009.

When I get a certain vibe or connection with a book I just know its going to be amazingly captivating. I have a sense for these things and trust me this book is going to be insane!

&& I'm also very excited for my brother to finally come down from his home in LA, August 26!!
miss ya Georgie.


I held my breath and it felt comforting- almost safe in a way. Only because I knew once I took another breath life would go on and I would have to face the fact that she didn't love me, that I had given up everything just for her. Only to receive nothing in the end, and honestly, I don't know if I could deal with that or at least be sane after I did.

Monday, August 17, 2009


I want... : ) : )

1. adorable owl book mark.
2. gorgeous hand made leather bound journal.
3. red velvet cupcake.
4. insanely sick vintage Royal Typewriter.
5. baby fawn
6. english bull dog puppy.

There's a lot more but I'm beat.

Words. Sentences. Life.

Its funny how letters collide and turn into words. Each letter fitting in perfectly with one another, each one when put together creates a different word.

Then the true beauty comes in, when words come together and create sentences, and sentences join other sentences and create a story; a meaning.

&& when you really think about it, if you replace one word or rearrange one sentence the entire story can change.
That just shows what an important role each word and sentence plays in the world of story telling.
Its kind of like life.
All's it takes is for one person to come or to leave to change your entire life, to make a difference.

The only difference is that we can write stories, make whatever we want to happen, happen.
However, our life? We don't get to write that out, get to chose what happens or what doesn't happen, or get to decide how our ending will turn out.

America's favorite candy just got better.

Well, tell me that isn't the prettiest- most amazing- cake you've ever seen?!

&& well, if it's not, it should be : )

Made by: My wife, Alice, and I.

Maybe we have a future in baking?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Screw the view.

- not dedicated, just a work of fiction.

"Okay keep your eyes closed till I say when, got it?" His hands were wrapped around my eyes and I smiled, wondering what would be in front of me, what he had in store for me, like he hadn't given me enough already. His fingers squirmed a bit as I laughed and he held on tighter, making sure I didn't look.

"Okay walk with me, take one step, now another," he guided me. The floor beneath me felt harsh almost rocky and I could tell we were outside because the sun shined down and its rays seeped through the crack of his fingers and everything was warm, nice, couldn't be better actually. The breeze didn't exist here, just heat, and him. I could tell we were alone, I could tell that there was no one else here but me and him, alone, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I kept walking where ever he guided me, his voice was soothing, "Were almost there, just a little more." My smile grew bigger with every step that we took together. I didn't even stumble or second guess his guidance. I trusted him and where ever he took me, I knew it would be worth it.

"Okay here we go," he said softly and I grabbed his hands with mine and attempted to pull them off slowly till he blurted out in a playful voice, "Hey, I didn't say when?" He laughed as he placed a kiss on my left temple and whispered into my ear, "when."

He removed his hands from my face and the sun ran down to me, shined full throttle in front of me and what I saw made me breathless. The view was indescribable, the way the mountains rised and crashed together was hard to take in, and how the clouds were right next to us was just- comforting. The earth beneath us was so small. I felt like I had just seen the world in God's point of view. I was on the top of everything looking down, and I felt the beauty he felt, I felt proud, and I just couldn't help but love everything around me.

Still even with everything around me and with everything I saw, nothing compared to his eyes. They beat the sun, they dominated the rising and crashing mountains, and he put the clouds to shame, their beauty overpowered all.

I didn't say much, well nothing at all. He walked next to me, crossed his arms and stared at my amazement and smiled. He always got so happy when he saw that I was happy, that made his day- just to see me happy, and he always made my day- just by being there, by plainly existing.

"This is- just- I... wow." I stuttered and he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him and I felt that shock, that sort of adrenaline rush run through me. The one that happened every time he touched me. Then there they were. I looked straight in them- his eyes-and I was lost. Screw the view, screw the sun, screw it all. The only thing I saw was him and the only thing I felt was incredible and nothing less but maybe more, definitely more.

To feel his lips on mine was enough for me. I didn't need an amazing view or anything of that sort. What I did need desperately, it was almost like an animal instinct, was him in my life, forever.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Smart chicks kick it tour!!!

Okay I'm super excited for the smart chicks kick it tour coming in September 2010!
- where certain authors go on a nation wide tour, visiting certain states and meeting the readers!
Hopefully Miami will be a stop, if not, well then somewhere close enough to drive!

Featured authors:
Kelley Armstrong
Melissa Marr
Alyson Noël
Rachel Vincent
Mary Pearson
Jeri Smith Ready
Kimberly Derting
Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Carrie Ryan
Mary Pearson
Jackson Pearce
Jess Verday
And more to come . . .

This made my night. What would have made my like I don't know year? Life? If Dean Koontz were on that list, gosh I'd die.

Wake up.

Even the most impossible- almost unreal- of dreams can come true.
So wake up and live.

Always have.

He held my face gently in his hands. They felt worn, rugged, and cold as his fingers gripped onto the curve of my jaw. I looked at him, trying to avoid his eyes but I knew that was impossible. They always caught my attention. It was inevitable not to notice them, deep and gray, you couldn't miss them. I parted my lips slowly, wanting to tell him how I felt, how much I really loved him all along, how so much of him was apart of me now. I took in a deep breath, held in my air, and I could feel my face twisting into fear, afraid of what his answer would be, what he would say?

Then I thought of us, and every moment that we've ever shared. I felt a sudden rush, a sort of bliss run up my spine and coax the inside of my stomach. I couldn't help but smile then. Just tell him, I thought and I was sure of it now. Sure that he would understand, feel the same way. Then that stupid voice, the one that I hated so much, spoke to me, told me the tell- all truth, what if he didn't? What if he said those little words that had been roaming in the back of my mind for awhile now, the answer that I shoved in deep within me, forcing myself to avoid the ugly truth, denying it to be possibly true. What if... What if he didn't love me? I felt that sudden rush leave, and that little bit of incredible bliss vanish, turn into fear. My face was red hot now and my nerves became alive just at the thought of him not loving me back, the vision of him saying those scary little words made my stomach turn.

Then it all happened very quickly, before I even had the chance to say one word, he leaned in and kissed me. Our lips opening and closing in sync, I couldn't help but take in deep rapid breaths as his hands ventured into my hair, pulling at it softly, closer to him. I pulled away quickly and I saw him look worried now, almost confused. His eyes appeared smaller now, darker, deeper. That's when I knew that him and I had the same fear, that we were both cowards of love- at its worst. Just do it, what do you have to loose, dammit? I thought and without even thinking I just said what I've been dying to say for a long time now, what I've been avoiding since the moment I laid my eyes on him
"I love you." I swallowed and forced my self to continue. "I always have really." My voice sounded almost lower than a shy whisper. I waited for his response and I could feel my hands becoming sweaty, my mind thinking a million things all at once. Then he tilted his head to the side and sported that crooked smile of his- the one that makes me go weak in the knees, distracts me from everything around and pulls all my focus right on him- that I love so much.

"Well guess what?" He asked, smiling again now, still making me breathless. "What?" I managed to let out, my eyes still on his, and I wanted to look away but I knew I couldn't. He had me wrapped in, he was in total control of me now, and I was just his victim.

"I loved you first, always have."

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

What a day.

Happy Buffet


Long car rides.

Cajun Grill

An amazing day with my one in a million.
: )


Sometimes its takes us a little time to put our priorities straight.
To figure out what really matters in life, or even better, to realize who matters.
&& that's okay.
To live, to experience, and to then realize..
That's what livings all about.
Learning, growing, flourishing, and becoming who we are meant to be.

What's sad is, that some of us never get to that point, or even get the chance to.
Those are the people I pray for, the ones I feel sorry for honestly.
The ones who don't get their chance or ever come around to realizing what's important, what really matters, and who's worth it all or not.

I blame you.

I blame my happiness on you.
I blame you for every smile, every moment of bliss, and every time my heart beats out of its usual sync.
For every unexplainable- basically amazing- unfamiliar feeling that I have felt, for every time that those damn butterflies come, and for every second that I miss you incredibly,
I blame you. You're the cause, the reason, the core to it all.
You have committed a crime, a crime that in my history book has never been committed- let alone achieved.
You are notorious, a master in pursuing the act of falling love.
You came with no warning- caught me by total surprise actually.
I didn't see you coming, I really didn't.
How unexpected you were...
How quick you made me fall for you and how you did it is the amazing part.
So skillfully, so easy, you didn't strain me, it didn't even take much convincing.
You truly are a talented soul and I am your work of art- your biggest fan.
You have committed the perfect crime, leaving no traces behind, not making one mistake..
You got away with murder, with me as your victim.
Now I'm under your trance.
You have complete and total control over my heart.
Its all your fault and honestly, I couldn't accuse you of a better crime.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Jeremy Larson

His music is beautiful.
Like- wow.

Tonight was amazing. Surprisingly one of the best nights of my life actually.
I love-adore-totally head over heels for- my felix<3

Thanks to you.

I'm still waiting for the memories to leave.
For them to get the hell out of my head.
They come every day or so,
torturing me, reminding me, never letting me forget...

I will never be able to be the same with anyone else just because of you...
You got the best of me and you took every part of it, claiming every piece, leaving nothing for anyone else who may come around.

You promised me that you and I together would be great, that it wouldn't hurt, not even a pinch.
You promised me to laugh, to love.
You promised me no broken hearts, no tears.

I believed you, oh did I believe you.

But it did hurt, it hurt like hell all the time and it still does, just as much.
I barely laughed and I was the only one loving, trying to make it all work.
My heart is broken beyond repair, and I've shed my share of tears.

You told me baby don't be scared, promises I keep.

Why? Why couldn't you just warn me? Let me decide at my own risk?
Instead you made me fall for you, go through so much hardship.
The things I dealt with, went through, were unfair- not right- and you know it.

Sad thing is, I forgive you, I do.
But the memories still live in me, still burn through me.
Forever leaving me with this scar that never seems to heal.
I want to be okay, I want to forget...
I want to stop thinking everyone is like you.
I want to live life without worrying that someday someone else will put me through what you did or maybe even worse, if it get's any worse than that.
I want to have control over what I think about just for one day, to have one day off from your memories would be great- almost a treat.
Maybe that day will come, or maybe it wont.
Thanks to you.


I miss a boy.
His name is Felix.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Society who?

Society drills into our heads that we need to be a certain kind of person, look a certain way, like certain things, etc. etc. etc.

I say...

Be who you want to be.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


You gave me something that I didn't have.
You showed me things that I would have never known to be true.
You dragged me down deep.
Maybe too deep to ever come up for air again.
But I'll be fine living off your air, breathing you in is what I'd prefer anyways.

for the hurt, because I know it could hurt.

I'm going back to where it used to be me and you, alone, together being all that we needed.
Now its been awhile since me and you have taken that vow, taken it and lived for it, like we used to.
Used to.
Used to.
Used to.
Those two words appearing in my head constantly.
&& constantly reminding me of the pain.
what happened to me and you?
Did something go wrong? Was something out of line for you? Not going well for you?
Because I remember being happy, actually living in bliss, a moment to moment kind of thing.
Tell me, because I'd like to know why?
Out of everyone in the world...
Why me and you?


&& this is my best friend, who has taught me some great things just by being there and facing life with me everyday.

She's - one of a kind, one in a million- out there.

I don't care what anyone says or thinks about her. I love her and I know what a beautiful- good hearted- person she really is. Even if no one else can see it, I do.

& I love her for that.


This is the guy that inspires all those lovey dovey poems that I write on here : )

Felix . J. Reynoso is just, well in my eyes, perfect.

this lullaby

I'm sort of disappointed in this book that I'm reading.
Honestly, its not that great.
I thought it would be better, but no... I was wrong.
Still, I'm going to finish it, just because I hate to leave a book half way finished.


I decided that I'm going to start an owl collection!
Just because....
: )

Friday, August 7, 2009

laptop please?

I want a laptop! I want a laptop!



Let's start off by saying that tonight was one of those- I'll never forget, can't believe we just did that- nights. I was in my room, on my computer writing something- my usual nightly routine. When my sister and her friend Angie, who was sleeping over, barge in laughing and totally kill my zone. So I let it go, and decided to just put it aside for now- my writing that is. We sat around my room and just talked and laughed about everything and anything. Comes 3 am and we decided to go run around the block- and so we did. Crazy huh? I thought so too. To go out and run at three am was not on my agenda for the night, but hey, why not?
We ran for awhile, and I felt out of breath more than once but I didn't want to stop. I felt free, almost vindicated. I didn't want the feeling to leave. After about five times around the block, and it now being around four am, we stopped, panted, and decided the pool was next. We swam for about an hour and my sister said something that I believed to be true, and it stuck with me.

This is living, doing crap without even thinking. Just going with life and whatever the hell comes up.

So true. It was one night where there was no plans, nothing was expected, yet- everything was perfect.

To a great night!
- however, one thing would have made it better- MUCH better.
If only my Isuet were there.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Blake Snyder

Blake Snyder

-amazing story craft guru, author, and screen writer.

I had hoped that one day I would get to meet him, get to shake his hand. Then I come to find out, on another blog, that he passed away.I loved his insight and enthusiasm towards writing ever since I enrolled in my first screen writing class and read his book, Save The Cat! Goes To The Movies. It was a great book, written by a man who definitely knew story telling -at its best- and who knew how to create that play by play image in a readers mind.

He has helped me , showed me, numerous amounts of helpful ideas and lessons all through one book.
May God be with him.
Gosh, he was a great writer.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

My wise friend say's wise things.

In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death. - Anne Frank

A wise friend of mine wrote something that really opened my eyes, showed me a different outlook on life.
I had previously written a post on how I lack the quality to trust people.
Well, after reading her post, she made a good point actually-

If there is trust the relationship works, if not then why even bother with it. - I.R

She's right, there is no point..
Without trust there is no soil to plant the relationship, no water to let it flourish and grow, and no open window to view all of its beauty, to take in everything it has to offer.
So maybe now, I'll open my eyes, view life through a different peek whole.
Maybe, just maybe, I'll start giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe I'll let myself go, let my heart open up, and allow my mind to believe that there is such a thing as a good person out there, somewhere within this world and its chaos.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Regret sucks. So does guilt.
However, in this post, neither one of them will occur, or be written about.

I remember it was, well, I think my Junior year? Maybe Senior year, whatever.
I had been invited to go to the infamous "Elliot Key" or whatever, and I kinda wanted to go, regardless of my fear of boats and mass bodies of water.
But, it was Mama's birthday that weekend- my 80 year old abuelita.
&& I had the choice to either go, or, to stay here and be with her.
I don't know why this came to mind now, or, why I'm even writing about it.
Maybe its because I'm happy, fully content, with the choice I made.
I stayed here with mama.
&& I remember that day clearly.
I was so happy, and I didn't regret one thing about that day, or, my decision.
She couldn't have been happier to see me there, and I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

I love you Mama.

Ups and downs

Most people dread lazy days, come off with saying they're bored and what not.
Well, I have to say that..they...are...crazy...
Lately, I'm seriously loving the lazy days, the I don't have anything important to do- especially wake up early days, and oh! Definitely, the lay back do whatever I want days- are my favorite.

Do whatever I want..
Sounds nice even when I don't say it out loud.

Sadly though, just in a few weeks, fall term will start and so will my five classes that consists of math, history of literature (which I'm kind of looking forward to), creative writing (definitely looking forward to), social science, and natural science.

Some ups and some downs there, but hey, that's life.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Hey friend

We used to fight, go at each others throats sometimes.
Too many nights, up and about, arguing, screaming, destroying all of our love.
It was painful, more painful than you can imagine.
It was dark, and unfair in my eyes.
I did love you, and then suddenly you were just one more thing I added to my list of losses.
It tore at me for awhile, I couldn't except you being gone, didn't want to.
But hey, you were.
I was sure that you and I were done, it was a definite good bye in my book.
Then something happened, life turned upside down, and somehow, someway, you are now one of the greatest friends I have.
I can come to you in any time of need, and your there, no questions asked.
What a person you are, what a human God has created.
Such a heart you have, your smile still makes me happy.
I cant tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I care about you.
Its important for you to know, that you have a friend in me.
Whenever in doubt, remember that I'm just a phone call away.
whenever in the need, you know where I am.
I wont ask any questions.
You have helped me, changed me, damn look at what you've done for me.
Sometimes I don't think you know...
how much you have truly helped me.
So friend, thank you, and I hope I have helped you just as much as you have helped me.

Thank you.
I love you- just a little bit though. : )

State of bliss?

You know how some people say they feel free? Totally cut off from everything negative? Totally in a state of bliss? I think I'm one of those people. I've had those moments where everything just seems perfect. I mean they don't last too long, but you can so tell the difference between any other moment in life, and those, those special totally irreplaceable moments.

p.s- I realized something today- what you do, say, and believe in here on earth, goes with you after death && determines your well being and state of being.

Something to think about.

Saturday, August 1, 2009


Usually I write poems in this blog, but this time I think I'll just write whatever comes out.

- Okay, people aren't as bad as I thought they were. There are actually some pretty decent people still out there( go figure). I have acknowledged that, taken it in, and accepted it, but what I can't seem to overcome, let pass by, is the fact that no matter how nice, intelligent, care free, or over all great a person seems to be, I just can't trust them.

I've tried, pretty damn hard to, but its useless, I catch myself back at point one, questioning their motives, and never letting go, and never giving people the benefit of the doubt.



And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. - Juliet

Forever Fine.

I never want to miss you,
because that would mean you are not here with me,
and I just can't have that.
I want to know that you're only a phone call away,
I want to know that the feel of your kiss is always near,
I want to know that your love is still here, still alive.
I want you to be forever mine, together we can be forever fine.

I never want to go to sleep without you in mind,
because that would mean I would have forgotten about you and I,
and I just can't have that.
I want to know your touch is always near,
I want to know that your heart only wants and needs me,
because without a doubt, my heart only craves for you.
i want to know, for certain that your passion burns for me,
because I have lit my fire, and it will forever stay lit in your name.
I want you to be forever mine, together we can be forever fine.

Sweet Dreams

Tomorrow is a new day, with new changes coming, and a whole lot of hope and faith stopping by.