Wednesday, December 2, 2009
This post is merely meant for venting. The grammar may not be correct and it may not make sense to some of you, or maybe some of you will sit there and nod your heads, understanding every word that is being typed.
I am afraid. Afraid of my future and what life will define that I deserve. I love to write, it helps me escape a life that has been bestowed upon me. I love my characters, every single one of them, but what if...
What if I fail myself and them?
What if I can never finish this story, perfect its editing, land an agent, and of course have it printed in ink forever?
What if? What if? What if?
It is something I'm sure many writers fear from time to time, or maybe all of the time. The road ahead of me looks so long, dark, and confusing, not to mention I'm horrible with directions. Sometimes the fear is so intense that it takes over and I go into total self doubting mode. It is an internal-horrific pain that I try to shove in deep, but eventually it becomes like a stuffed closet that cannot hold anymore. Clothes and shoes and junk begin to bulge out and spread, creating such a mess it will take forever to pick up.
Every time I walk into Barnes and Noble and see the immense amount of wonderful literature around me, I feel overwhelmed, silently proud and in awe of every author in there. I am beginning to sense how much they had to work for their book to be on that shelf. If I could, I would purchase every single book there, only because there is not one story that does not deserve to be read.
I only hope that one day (even if it is just one reader) someone will understand my characters and know their story.
Because they need to be understood, they deserve to be heard.
I can only pray and hope that by magical intervention this will all fall into place and work.
For me and for them, especially them.
Posted by V. S at 8:47 PM