Monday, August 24, 2009

His way or the damn highway.

I saw him, stared at him straight in the eyes.
He looked at me, but really he was looking past me.
Looking straight through me, denying what he already knew, ignoring what I know he saw.
He preferred to live life loveless, blind to happiness, and his way or the high way.
It was just easier that way, he said.
&& I could see why honestly.
No one would ever let you down, because he has been let down.
No one would ever hurt you, and trust me if any one knows pain- it is him.
He knows its every depth, every corner, every illusive point of view, every lie it tells, every fearful piece of truth it holds.
No one would bring your hopes up, make you believe in them completely, drown out all of your doubts only to leave in the end- taking with them your faith and refunding you of your doubts.

So there he stood.
I knew he had it in him somewhere, some place, he had to? I thought, reassured myself.
I knew he loved me.
Still, he looked through me, right through me- not seeing my love for him, my promise to him.
His eyes were sharp, on point, never letting there guard down.
He then turned away, his face blank, his eyes emotionless, and he walked away without a care in the world.

Then I yelled out, because I couldn't stand it, because I myself have been let down- plenty of times, because I have witnessed pain first hand- and I knew what it felt like to get your hopes up only to live in disappointment, a constant battle between faith and reality.
yet, I was standing here with arms wide open being rejected once again.

" You let me down! You hurt me! You got my hopes up!" I walked towards him, my hand in the air pointing at him, accusing him. "You crushed them! You did!" My voice cracked and I could feel my throat throbbing, a million things running through my mind, all a blur.

He stopped walking, his fists clenched at his sides, and maybe it was my eyes playing a trick on me, or maybe, it was my mind in wishful thinking mode.
I saw him turn his head slightly- the side of his face showing itself behind his heap of hair and then, in less than a second, he turned back around and kept walking.

It was his way or the high way.